i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
