Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
