that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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