You're completely useless in the revolution.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
