Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
