He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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