so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
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