Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
