I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
