she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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