my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
