So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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