Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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