I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
