i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
