I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
