She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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