Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
