Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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