The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
