I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
