I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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