Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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