so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
