Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
