You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
