I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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