I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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