he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
