so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
