I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
