walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
