If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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