Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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