that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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