your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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