I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
