Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
