what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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