Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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