Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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