GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
