he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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