he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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