He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
its liver damage thursday
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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