my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
