Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
