Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
