you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
