even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
