that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
