I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
