quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize