i was born a porn star she said
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
