I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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