Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
