So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
