I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Panties = found
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
