Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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