I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this just has baby written all over it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
