Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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