he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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