omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
