I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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