I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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