if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
