evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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