No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you still have your period?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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