In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
