i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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