True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize