He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
