i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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