so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
FUCK WHALES
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
