flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
